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HomeBlog BudgetingThree Ways To Keep Financial Conversations From Turning Into A Fight
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Three Ways To Keep Financial Conversations From Turning Into A Fight

June 2, 2016 by National Debt Relief

happy couple discussing moneyDid you know that some couples find financial conversations quite uncomfortable? According to the article published on Time.com, a lot of couples find it very hard to talk about their finances. In fact, most Americans would rather talk about intimacy and death rather than their money.

This report from the Northwestern Mutual reveals just how couples are struggling when it comes to discussing important money matters. Although it is uncomfortable, you cannot erase the fact that talking about money is very important. While couples try to avoid it because they feel like it will only lead to a fight, they are actually making things a lot worse. Ignoring financial issues is never a good thing. It does not go away just because you are not talking about it.

First of all, couples need to discuss how they will handle their household income. They have to discuss their budget and how they can ensure that all the necessary expenses are met. If both of them are working, they should talk about how much each person should contribute to the household budget. If only one earns income, they should also talk about how much the stay-at-home parent will get. After all, they need an allowance too.

All of these financial conversations should happen between couples and regardless if it turns ugly or not. That should not hinder you from talking about it.

3 tips to keep your money talks peaceful

Arguments are normal between couples – nobody is completely alike after all. This is something that we all should live with – if we want to make our relationships last. According to a study published on K-State.edu, even the healthiest relationships argue sometimes. However, it is the arguments about the money that pose the highest risk when it comes to divorce.

The truth is, it does not have to end up in a fight – at least, not always. Believe it or not, there are couples who can talk about money and do so peacefully – even if the topic revolves around financial difficulties.

Here are three important tips that should help you talk about money.

Acknowledge your financial strengths.

The first tip is to acknowledge whatever financial strength you both have. One of you may be good at budgeting while the other is good at finding great deals at the store. You need to always praise each other for these strengths and give each other financial responsibilities based on that. When you give the right task to the right person, your finances will definitely benefit from that. Do not let just one person decide. You need both inputs because you can balance each other out when it comes to managing your finances. If one is good at remembering what should be paid, then billings and payments should be given to them. If you are great at self-control, then you should be in charge of buying things for the family. This practice will help you establish a level of respect that will not immediately turn judgmental or hateful when something goes wrong.

Focus on the common ground.

As mentioned, all couples are different. However, there will always be something in common between the two of you. It just varies from couple to couple depending on how similar your characters are. But even if you are very different, you still have a common ground. You should identify what this is. The most simple that you can go for is your future. If you cannot find anything in common that will keep you from fighting during financial conversations, then focus on your future together. That can be a goal that you can concentrate on. Think about the future that you want to have together and then try to set financial goals based on that. This will help you make the cohesive decisions because you have the same goals in mind.

Learn to give.

Finally, you need to learn how to give. That is what love and relationships are all about. You need to give and take. If you have to spoil them every now and then – there is nothing wrong with that. If your budget can afford it, why not? This is something that you should naturally do for a loved one. If you have to make certain sacrifices in order to give your partner what they want, it might just be worth it. Just make sure that both you feel the same way about it.

A saver falling in love with an impulsive spender is not something unheard of. It might be more difficult to have financial conversations if you have different money management styles – but that should be expected. You just have to make sure that your conversations will be done with love. Not only that, try to implement the three tips mentioned to make things peaceful.

How to avoid financial infidelity

Infidelity comes in many forms. If you want to keep this problem from ruining your relationships, make sure you guard against all forms of infidelity. Two of the common types of infidelity that can destroy you and your partner involves people and money.

According to a survey done by CreditCards.com, 13 million Americans admitted to having secret bank accounts or credit cards. The poll is something that does not shock financial counselors and even relationship experts. The experts believe that this secret account is not really an indication that some couples are up to something bad. Apparently, some people hide an account from their partners because they have different opinions about how money should be handled.

Obviously, this is not a sign of a healthy relationship. In fact, it is already proof that you are committing financial infidelity. If you cannot be completely honest with your partner about your money, your financial conversations will be irrelevant. A mistake that results from that infidelity might cost the trust of your partner – and probably even separation.

In order to avoid this, here are some rules that you need to follow.

  • Set clear rules. It is okay to give each other room to make financial decisions – but the rules have to be clear between the two of you. For instance, you can both make decisions about how you will spend your income as long as it is only 10% of your current take-home pay.
  • Know each other’s passwords. If you trust someone, you do not have to use the password but this is a great way to assure each other of your fidelity. Not only that, it will actually force you to not keep any secrets.
  • Make financial decisions together. You also have to exhibit the same authority when it comes to making decisions about your money. This can be something that you will include in your financial rule book. There are certain decisions that you can do on your own but there should be those that you have to consult with the other. Major financial decisions should never be done alone. This way, you both know what you are getting yourselves into and you will not end up blaming the other if something goes wrong.
  • Have regular financial dates. Finally, you should set financial dates – regularly. This will allow you to have financial conversations that will help you make the right decisions about your finances. It is also a great time to bring each other up-to-date about certain financial obligations that had been aside to either one. As you spend quality time together, this is a great way to discuss potential financial problems – without immediately having to fight about it. Calling it a “date” should set the right tone.

Financial conversations between couples are unavoidable – but it does not have to be something that you will dread. Just remember that you will both benefit from good financial decisions – the same way that you will suffer from the bad ones. Be smart, truthful, understanding, and respectful when you are handling finances as a couple. Problems may come but if you both love each other, the financial difficulties will make your relationship stronger.

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National Debt Relief is one of the largest and best-rated debt settlement companies in the country. In addition to providing excellent, 5-star services to our clients, we also focus on educating consumers across America on how to best manage their money. Our posts cover topics around personal finance, saving tips, and much more. We’ve served thousands of clients, settled over $1 billion in consumer debt, and our services have been featured on sites like NerdWallet, Mashable, HuffPost, and Glamour.

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Moderate National Debt Relief Caller: Charlotte Transcribed WE 1/24/2021 Charlotte: Before I begin, I have to let you know that our call may be recorded. Can you tell me, how did you first hear about our National Debt Relief? JOAN: Oh, I don't know. I don't remember. I don't know how I heard about it. Charlotte: What made you decide to work with them? JOAN: Well, obviously, I needed to consolidate my debt. Charlotte: Tell me about the service program that they provided you with. JOAN: Well, I'm not done. But for me, it’s costly. What I did not like about it was that they add on. They say it's going to be X amount of dollars. But then what they do is they say, “Oh, well, we found another creditor that you need to…” So that'll be at a different part of the month and I don't like staggered bills. If I'm gonna pay a bill, whether it's to the phone company, the insurance company, whatever it might be, I want to pay that bill once a month. That's the only drawback. Charlotte: So let me get this. Normally, they are collecting the bills upfront. And then they work to get them paid off at a different rate. So everything wasn't collected all at once, if that's what I'm hearing correctly. JOAN: No, no, no. Every month, money is taken out of your account. And they pay X amount of dollars. Like let's say you owe $5,000 with Citibank, $500 in Credit One, whatever. They work out a deal with them and then they say, “Well, you have to pay $350 a month.” And they'll pay $20 a month towards -- they give you like around about how long it's going to take. Two years, two and a half years. And then they work it out that way. Charlotte: Now, what did you think about your negotiator? JOAN: I don't know. I just called up. It's a completely different department. So when you call up to sign up, it's very different. I don't remember that. It's just that they collected all the information. It was easy for me. I didn't have to go through and find whatever bills I wanted to put in the debt relief. They did that. Charlotte: So say you have questions or concerns. How did you get your questions or concerns addressed? JOAN: I would just ask and they answered it. They're very helpful like that. They'll answer any questions you have. And if they don’t know, they will find out. Charlotte: So was there not a particular person that you spoke with? JOAN: No, you don’t have one person that you deal with that just handles your account. Once you do – they’re like headhunters. Until you sign up, you're going to have that one person and even other people calling. Once your name is out there, they're going to keep calling you. So, once you sign up, then it's whoever answers the phone. It’s customer service. Charlotte: How comfortable did you feel working with National Debt Relief through this process? JOAN: I felt very comfortable, very safe. I was not worried about anything. Charlotte: Is there anything about this process that you would have liked to seen handled differently? JOAN: Yes. The way the payments come out. I'd rather have them one instead of … Charlotte: Everywhere. JOAN: Right. Well, not everywhere. For the most part, the bulk of them were. But then if there's one here, one there, they don't just extend it to another payment. And then the payments change, like the payment amount. You could pay $20 for six months, and then all of a sudden, it's $80 for the next three months, so you really don't know. Charlotte: So if you have to rate this experience on a scale of one to five, five is you’d recommend to friends, one you're pretty dissatisfied… JOAN: No. I would definitely recommend it to a friend. Charlotte: How would you say working with National Debt Relief has impact your life? JOAN: Well, it did help until I hit a speed bump. I'm in the middle of a divorce and my husband closed our checking account, of course. But so far, as a matter of fact, that's why I thought you were calling. I have to postpone the next month, so hopefully, they'll be able to postpone it, because I've been postponing it for a few months. Charlotte: Would it be okay if I posted your comments as a review on our public website for National Debt Relief? Because you did give us some really good feedback. JOAN: Yes, but not using my name. Charlotte: Okay, I will make it anonymous for you. I will also send over a link so that you can have it as a record for yourself at jdola20@yahoo.com. JOAN: Yes, but do not put that public. Charlotte: Oh, no, no, no. That doesn't go public. Definitely. How would you say working with National Debt Relief has impact your life. JOAN: Well, really, it would have helped if I could have stayed on the program. Charlotte: We’re recorded.

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